A brief introduction.

Since I'm new to these boards, I'll give you Cliff notes on who I am and where I come from - 'Cos it's an honest program.

I first came to AA (shrink's orders) after several suicide attempts when I was about 20/21. I answered "yes, but..." to 17 of the 20 questions in 'Who, me?'. Dr.'s orders were five AA meetings and, by the fifth, I knew I had a problem, I knew I needed help, but I was damned if I was going to throw my fate to a bunch of loopy-eyed, bible-thumpin' Jesus freaks. I stayed dry on my own terms for about five years (with the help of the marijuana maintenance program).

Of course, it got out of control again in my late twenties. Once again, few more meetings, things got better, but the God thing still rankled, so this time I went the medical route. (Being crazy is so much more romatically tragic than being a garden variety drunk.) I stayed dry for about four years that time - again, no meetings, marijuana maintenance, and my misery kept compounding. Of course, I still didn't get the 'me' part of the problem. The suicide attempts continued and I began racking up frequent flyer miles at a number of psych wards across western Canada.

Around 33 or 34 years old I started to have blackouts. A few more meetings, and God wasn't looking like such a bad idea around this point. I was even willing to consider the possibility that maybe I didn't know everything (it seemed highly unlikely, but at least a distant consideration). At 35 my father was killed suddenly and I went on a bender to end all benders. It ended three years later with a four month binge on something beyond the purview of a blue-card board. Suffice it to say I lost everything to the greatest money reducing agent known to man.

At 38, I came into the program with both feet, took a one year cake, got a higher power, sponsor, home group. And life was good. But of course, I really missed my marijuana, so at 18 months sober, I picked it up again. I told myself the third tradition applied to alcohol and only alcohol, and I could still be in the program and smoke a little weed now and then. But that taught me the true nature of the disease. After 8 months of pot slips (which were quickly getting closer together), I came clean with my home group, changed my clean date, and I'm taking another one year cake in August '09. This cake will be reservation free. The last one wasn't.

I truly hope I've done all the research I need to on this disease. Every bottom has a trap door. I got to every 'yet' that I thought I was too smart for, so I'm pretty sure these old farts with years on years of sober time have something to teach me. I DID keep coming back. It took me twenty years to stay, but if I hadn't come back, well.... I think we all know which morgue THAT story ends in.

Glad I found this board. Hoping to meet some FOB's from other climes - Maple Ridge is a small town - great people, great program here, but meeting folks from elsewhere is always exciting.

I often write up a list of what I'd do with the money if I won a lottery (cheers me up on dark days). I realized I was really 'in' when the top of the list was "hit every AA meeting worldwide that I can find."
I might not have the money to do it in person, but the internet makes the world a much smaller place.

I'm looking forward to hearing your stories and sharing your experience, strength and hope.