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the question anyone who is single and sober wants to ask.

Im 2 years sober. I have a sponsor and have spoken to him about this matter as well and am told i am stable enough in sobriety to "attempt" dating. i carry a bib book with me where ever i go.

where the **** do sober folks go to meet members of the opposite sex.
i mean really.
sobriety is the most important thing in the world to me and i have no desire to go peruse SLA clubs(for the real sick people here), Al-Anon, AA, Or worse... bars... to attempt to meet someone.

given im 21 and most of my peers "party like rock stars" when they have free time there really isnt much chance of me getting into a relationship at this point.

also given im 21 and full or hormones and am probably a lil spiritually sick over this matter. also i doubt the average girl my age wont be impresssed that i can quote page 62 and so on so forth.

and thus i am puzzled.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dawn L. on February 4, 2010 at 12:56am: Well, yeah, sure, we ALL want to know the answer to that question. We get lonely, or ummmm, you know, full of hormonal urges....lol!
I don't know, being a "gurl" I haven't ever really lacked the companionship of the opposite sex. And not just FOR sex, either. I am trying my dammit best to stay OUT of a relationship right now, lolololol! I have alot of interested parties, but, I am busy with other obligations and goals right now? And I am in my mid 40s, too.
You know, I have always found that part of the 4th step, the sex inventory part, to be most helpful in this area. If you are up for it, read pp. 68-70. There is a TON of really great guidance on the whole sex relationship issue. It sure helped me out, many, many times.
Just my ESH. For what it's worth, the right answers DO come. If we want them.
Keep the faith-Dawn; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by evergreen78 on February 4, 2010 at 2:46am: It's a mystery. I met my current Significant Other at the local Alano Club and various AA mtgs. Personally, I like the idea of dating "in the Fellowship" because people are impressed when I can quote page 62! (LOL!) Seriously . . . we talk the same language, so to speak. He says, "I plead the 5th Amendment and the 10th Tradition -- I have the right to remain silent, & I have no opinion on outside issues." I'm sorry, but I think that's HILARIOUS! I don't think I would want to date a "normal" person. If they could have one or two drinks -- or get PLASTERED -- I'd be jealous, I think. On the other hand, it hasn't been one big bowl of cherries, either, our life together. Still, if I were "available," I'd be hanging out at a "recovery" club, or just noticing people in the mtgs. That ain't no crime. Just because we quit drinking doesn't mean we DIED or something. Know what I mean, Vern? (wink!) Just don't pick one who only has 30 days or something.

Just for a funny story: Before I ever came to AA, my last future ex-husband (wink!) was familiar with it. We'd be arguing & he'd say, "YOU CAN'T TAKE MY INVENTORY!!!" I'd say, "What the hell does THAT mean?" He could never really explain it to me. So I'd say, "WATCH me! I don't even know what an inventory IS, but I'll take YOURS & throw it on the ground & stomp all over it!!!" And I would, too. (sigh.) Again, I don't think those "mixed marriages" work too good. Not for me anyway. (I am a sad case. -- GUFFAW!) :D; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Anonymous Man on February 4, 2010 at 5:04am: Masturbate . Worked for me. Or get intouch with youself in others ways WINK... If your lonely get a dog or a house plant. Odds are if your asking this question i think you know the answer. You said yourself your spiritually sick over this matter so whats that telling you.. Tell you what!. The day you quit thinking of sex or looking for a relationship, you might ready for one..Allow your HP to direct your thinking. Prey for the right answer to this problem and it will come when its time.. Besides just see how your obsessing over it now this is how you will probably act in that relationship. Obsessive..Quit trying to control this area of your life and let others guild you with their experience Strength and Hope.. Keep You Pecker in your pants .. You'll thank me later..Aman.....; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Victoria on February 4, 2010 at 9:46am: I Ditto Anonymous...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tommy on February 4, 2010 at 10:00am: An old timer I know says get a plant for a year. If it's still alive after a year, get a puppy, if it's still alive after a year, you're on your own.

All I know is activlely looking for a relationship has always lead to disasterous relationships for me and I don't want to risk that in early sobrieity. I have to trust God here.

But mostly I have to get comfortable with me and that is happening in leaps and bounds. I live alone and mostly now (not in the past) I am grateful every day that I do. I've learned through trusting God and acceptance that my situation is just right for me - kinda like that puuuurfect pooridge goldylocks found.

Who knows what today will bring - I sure don't. I like that!

Oh yeah, the woman out there you are looking to impressed will be the ones that are impressed by your honesty and integrity, not your ability to recite passages from a book.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sara on February 4, 2010 at 10:16am: Well there are a couple of places you could try to meet someone. I take workout classes at the gym, there are people there. You could also try a website such as Match.com, where you could make your interest ins obriety abundantly clear...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Eli M on February 4, 2010 at 10:58am: this is all good stuff..

the thing is im not actively seeking a relationship but was wondering if i should.

i also have a sex inventory taken and am trying to stick with that.

i laughed out loud at the , "I plead the 5th Amendment and the 10th Tradition"

but yeah ya know its funny how this all works.

as as far as masturbation goes. well the tweezers get wore out after a few months so yeah.

as far as dating in the fellowship kids my age dont get sober really. i mean this as far as studying the big book the way i was brought up to. sure there's ypgs and other clubs but idk im yet to meet one that isnt A. caught up in the "meeting makers make it" bullock B. "The fellowship keeps you sober!" thing both of which i disagree with thoroughly. so its interesting. but yeah

thanks for the advice yall i guess ill just keep on doing the same thing i am currently. 3. going to meetings 2. sponsoring 1. practicing the Program of aa and ofc avoiding becoming a pigeon fucker like the plague. lol; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Carolyn C on February 4, 2010 at 8:01pm: Keep an open mind. It not about the other people...it's about how you handle your soberity. You can do the same thing that other young people do expect drink or use drugs,. If your on shakey ground you better not go. Try Church, aa conventions, aa picnics, etc. Go to a movie with another aa friend. Start a bowling league. We are not a glum lot.....remember rule #62.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by David L. Berry on February 4, 2010 at 10:56pm: Sex is extremely powerful ... advertising folks use it all the time, because it is powerful enough to sell products that no one needs or wants. People say "its just sex, what's the big deal?" but it is one of the most powerful things we know of. How much time do people spend everyday thinking about it? How much time do people spend noticing whether or not this person or that person is "sexy", and thinking about "am I sexy to them?" "Do I look attractive?" Personally, I love sex, but currently I am Christian and single, so sex is when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming my own name, lol, but I'm just putting all this out there for the heck of it. We love sex so much because it is the time when we feel most alive. God wants to make us feel even more alive. He has opinions on the topic of sex. He wants to best for us.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ward Angel on February 5, 2010 at 8:42pm: My experience: In early sobriety I wanted to enlarge my spiritual life. I started attending church. Over the next year I started meeting and talking with the single women. I married one of them when I was a month shy of my 3rd anniversary. That was a little over 21 yrs ago. Our dates consisted of going to the Coffee shop, then an AA meeting, then off to a fish and chips joint. She has never had a drink and has no interest in trying.

My wife is more spiritual than I and we have a very good relationship. She understands the program and allows me to live it.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Alvin on February 5, 2010 at 9:05pm: An ol'timer once shared this with me,,,,,the way to tell the difference between love and lust is.....if you masturbate thinking of them and still want them to come over to your place it's love,,,if after self pleasure you don't want them around it's lust,,,,what exactly are you 'desiring' maybe after you figure that out you will know what to do....and oh yea "DITTO" on what Dawn L shared....GODSPEED; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Moonpie on February 17, 2010 at 7:58am: It will come when you are ready........just live the rest of your life......meetings,job,sober friends nights out........and she will come. God will give it to when you ar ready!! Keep your heart open and pure. Be yourself and the right one comes along. Go to the clubs in your area for fellowship. Try different meetings to keep sobriety fresh.......never know who where or when.........keep doing what ya doing...meetings,sponsor......working the steps.........Sober and sassy!!; ▶ Reply to This