the question anyone who is single and sober wants to ask.

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Permalink Reply by evergreen78 on February 4, 2010 at 2:46am

It's a mystery. I met my current Significant Other at the local Alano Club and various AA mtgs. Personally, I like the idea of dating "in the Fellowship" because people are impressed when I can quote page 62! (LOL!) Seriously . . . we talk the same language, so to speak. He says, "I plead the 5th Amendment and the 10th Tradition -- I have the right to remain silent, & I have no opinion on outside issues." I'm sorry, but I think that's HILARIOUS! I don't think I would want to date a "normal" person. If they could have one or two drinks -- or get PLASTERED -- I'd be jealous, I think. On the other hand, it hasn't been one big bowl of cherries, either, our life together. Still, if I were "available," I'd be hanging out at a "recovery" club, or just noticing people in the mtgs. That ain't no crime. Just because we quit drinking doesn't mean we DIED or something. Know what I mean, Vern? (wink!) Just don't pick one who only has 30 days or something.

Just for a funny story: Before I ever came to AA, my last future ex-husband (wink!) was familiar with it. We'd be arguing & he'd say, "YOU CAN'T TAKE MY INVENTORY!!!" I'd say, "What the hell does THAT mean?" He could never really explain it to me. So I'd say, "WATCH me! I don't even know what an inventory IS, but I'll take YOURS & throw it on the ground & stomp all over it!!!" And I would, too. (sigh.) Again, I don't think those "mixed marriages" work too good. Not for me anyway. (I am a sad case. -- GUFFAW!) :D

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Permalink Reply by Victoria on February 4, 2010 at 9:46am

I Ditto Anonymous...

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Permalink Reply by Eli M on February 4, 2010 at 10:58am

this is all good stuff..

the thing is im not actively seeking a relationship but was wondering if i should.

i also have a sex inventory taken and am trying to stick with that.

i laughed out loud at the , "I plead the 5th Amendment and the 10th Tradition"

but yeah ya know its funny how this all works.

as as far as masturbation goes. well the tweezers get wore out after a few months so yeah.

as far as dating in the fellowship kids my age dont get sober really. i mean this as far as studying the big book the way i was brought up to. sure there's ypgs and other clubs but idk im yet to meet one that isnt A. caught up in the "meeting makers make it" bullock B. "The fellowship keeps you sober!" thing both of which i disagree with thoroughly. so its interesting. but yeah

thanks for the advice yall i guess ill just keep on doing the same thing i am currently. 3. going to meetings 2. sponsoring 1. practicing the Program of aa and ofc avoiding becoming a pigeon fucker like the plague. lol

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Permalink Reply by Carolyn C on February 4, 2010 at 8:01pm

Keep an open mind. It not about the other people...it's about how you handle your soberity. You can do the same thing that other young people do expect drink or use drugs,. If your on shakey ground you better not go. Try Church, aa conventions, aa picnics, etc. Go to a movie with another aa friend. Start a bowling league. We are not a glum lot.....remember rule #62.

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Permalink Reply by David L. Berry on February 4, 2010 at 10:56pm

Sex is extremely powerful ... advertising folks use it all the time, because it is powerful enough to sell products that no one needs or wants. People say "its just sex, what's the big deal?" but it is one of the most powerful things we know of. How much time do people spend everyday thinking about it? How much time do people spend noticing whether or not this person or that person is "sexy", and thinking about "am I sexy to them?" "Do I look attractive?" Personally, I love sex, but currently I am Christian and single, so sex is when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming my own name, lol, but I'm just putting all this out there for the heck of it. We love sex so much because it is the time when we feel most alive. God wants to make us feel even more alive. He has opinions on the topic of sex. He wants to best for us.

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Permalink Reply by Ward Angel on February 5, 2010 at 8:42pm

My experience: In early sobriety I wanted to enlarge my spiritual life. I started attending church. Over the next year I started meeting and talking with the single women. I married one of them when I was a month shy of my 3rd anniversary. That was a little over 21 yrs ago. Our dates consisted of going to the Coffee shop, then an AA meeting, then off to a fish and chips joint. She has never had a drink and has no interest in trying.

My wife is more spiritual than I and we have a very good relationship. She understands the program and allows me to live it.

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Permalink Reply by Alvin on February 5, 2010 at 9:05pm

An ol'timer once shared this with me,,,,,the way to tell the difference between love and lust is.....if you masturbate thinking of them and still want them to come over to your place it's love,,,if after self pleasure you don't want them around it's lust,,,,what exactly are you 'desiring' maybe after you figure that out you will know what to do....and oh yea "DITTO" on what Dawn L shared....GODSPEED

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Permalink Reply by Moonpie on February 17, 2010 at 7:58am

It will come when you are ready........just live the rest of your life......meetings,job,sober friends nights out........and she will come. God will give it to when you ar ready!! Keep your heart open and pure. Be yourself and the right one comes along. Go to the clubs in your area for fellowship. Try different meetings to keep sobriety fresh.......never know who where or when.........keep doing what ya doing...meetings,sponsor......working the steps.........Sober and sassy!!

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Permalink Reply by Carolyn C on February 17, 2010 at 12:10pm

Read page 69.

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Permalink Reply by Nick B! on March 9, 2010 at 12:06am

The whole getting sober young thing I can relate. I am 27. I got sober at 19. When the time is right God will put the right person in your path. I have had a couple relationships in & out of the rooms they both have ther pros & cons.

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Permalink Reply by Mark D. on June 8, 2010 at 8:36pm

Hi Eli,

I don't know what your understanding of Higher Power is, but if it has any affiliation with any of the traditional religions, ie, Christian, Jewish, Islam, Buddheist---there should be congregations which would include young people. Most of these communities will have lots of young people who don't drink or drug at all, and they will have already sorted out all the fun things you can do now days without drinking.

Beyond this, consider all the different athletic clubs that might have activities that preclude drinking. Do you have any hobbies at all? The geekier the better eh? : ) I haven't heard of any drunken orgies at the chess club, or the rocket club, but all of these situations do have foxy sober ladies, who dig guys who aren't drunken neanderthals. You with me?

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Permalink Reply by david m on July 14, 2010 at 9:59am

i waited about a year and a half before "attempting" to have a relationship, it lasted about 6 months. guess she wasn't ready to deal with what i was going through. the next one came about 8 months later, that did not last long at all due to the fact that i had drawn to myself a woman who was still suffering her own dysfunctions only saw her three times, she ended up back in jail. tried to share with her my strength experience and hope, guess she wasn't ready to listen. our sources for companionship and affection are quite limited from our former lives. all i know is that my HP is working in my life in ways i can't understand and i have to remember that if i stay out of my own way then everything works out just the way it is supposed to. you have a whole life ahead of you and before you know it you will be asking yourself, " How the Hell did i get here? This is amazing" God bless and take it one day at a time.

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